“Just trust me,” they say…

But I can’t. Let me start out by saying that I know the rules. If a patient says something that leads a professional to believe their patient is in harm’s way, certain procedures must take place. I know that, and I am not hating on that. It’s just that, personally, knowing this makes it harder for me to tell my therapists and doctors everything. Sometimes I even lie. I am not a fan of the hospital, as unfortunately, it has never helped me in the long run. For me, hospitals are just holding cells. I understand that plenty of people are helped by them, but sadly, I am not one of those people. It may have to do with the fact that I’m partly to blame. While in the hospital I will constantly make light of my situation or even outright lie in order to get out as soon as possible.

When I am in the hospital I feel like another statistic, just a number that needs placement or straightening out. My fears of being on the psych ward have never allowed me to take full advantage of the resources there. The friendly faces of the other patients and the sometimes helpful staff do nothing to alleviate my fears. It’s like everyone’s out to get me. I say or do one wrong thing and I’m there another week.

I’m not sure where I got this comparison of hospitals to prison, but it’s there, and the fear is real. I wonder if any of you feel this way about hospitalization as well?


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